Written by Mary Duffy
Wednesday, 01 April 2009 19:47

This column began right around April 22, 2008, which was Earth Day-or as I like to call it, Tuesday. Founded in part by convicted murdered Ira Einhorn, Earth Day has been an annual celebration of our self-satisfied environmental activism since 1970. I see it as a yearly opportunity to remind ourselves that we’re destroying the planet while patting ourselves on the back for recycling our beer bottles.

Folks, we’re polishing the brass on the Titanic. In this hiply green culture, with our CSAs and reusable grocery bags, we’ve still failed miserably in reaching even the modest carbon-cutting goals for 2010. Earth Day is a sham. Which is why I’m glad to report that this exercise in stupidity has breathed its last gasp. Earth Day 2K9 is off.

The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) Executive Director, Achim Steiner, announced this week that their annual Earth Day activities have been cancelled. “There’s no sense in prolonging the pointless,” he remarked on Monday. “No one except the Third World is capable of reduced carbon emissions; we Europeans already have reduced fossil-fuel consumption with our excellent public transport. The entire nation of Denmark is powered by wind and the Carlsburg fermenting process alone. We’ve done all we can. Unfortunately, Western capitalism has delivered the death blow to planet Earth. The United States is spoiling it for everyone else.”

Environmental groups see Earth Day as being unnecessary anyway. “April’s a bit of a boring month,” said spokesperson Janet Lynch. “School kids need something to do, and making posters of the water cycle and spotted owl are an easy way to make the environment seem important for a day. If anything, the end of Earth Day means fewer kids growing up to be greenie hipsters, which is fine by me.”